Fight Inferiority Complex

 
Before you know it, you started digging the hole again. Not knowing that you are preparing for your own burial. Thinking back, you have not found your identity. Like a human chameleon living to blend in and gain approval. There's no end to it if you realize. It is a sign of inferiority complex. Remember, there's a very fine line between feeling sorry for a personal wrong doing and feeling sorry for simply being yourself. Sometimes one's personal values built from years of upbringing under complex observations, learning and assimilation creates new sets of values completely different from that of most others. It creates some sort of actions and reactions based on instincts. Good or bad, right or wrong, it's probably not easy to judge. The public would probably choose general concensus as the basis. Question, since when was Albert Einstein perceived a genius? If only he waited so long to gain that approval to start embarking on his beliefs and values, he probably wouldn't have been the famous Albert Einstein we now know. What if it is a matter of personal objection? What I did was deem shallow, selfish and pathetic simply because you expected otherwise the way I uphold my actions and behaviors. Foolish of me to feel sorry. As I held close to my heart that what I did hurts never intentionally to anyone I cared, not even to the ones I do not. Perhaps it hurts myself so deeply knowing it sickens you to know that I breathed the way you least expected. That I felt so sorry for being comfortable and happy being myself just because it sickens you to see me so not the way you envisioned. Not within your control. Not within the premise of your almighty mind, head, belief, emotional capacity. Today I realized my emotions started going on a rough ride again. One so uncertain where the tide is carrying it to. To the point of breaking. I stared blank at random points feeling a gush of air in the head, witnessing the sober face of the boy once charming and certain of where his future lies.. I didn't realize depression is slowly reaching its shadows over my head. Until a friend told me I could probably look at the positive side. I actually stood blank trying to feel the meaning of positive when so enveloped by the negative emotions of sober and void. You wouldn't believe how strong and convicted negative emotions can create a great wall between an infected human with the rest of the world until you personally witnessed that. A sudden message fell upon me. Depression. Negative emotions can spiral out of control if you do not interject it fast. Then comes the teaching from my psychologist kicking into the logical mind. 1. Breathe in and out slowly and deeply. 2. Recognize that you are now feeling sad and negative. 3. Pause for a second and start thinking from the positive side. There's nothing wrong with occasionally cheating yourself how beautiful life is. As a matter of fact, it is what you think that you actually attract and manifest into reality. I'm not sure what I'm writing here now. I just wanted to say to any of you out there who happens to stumble upon this blog feeling insecure of your identity or social stature. Life probably isn't as gloomy or sad as you think it is. It is the frame of your current sober mind that builds this void and resistance against all illuminations. Take a break, pamper yourself with some candies, acts of love, kindness or allow yourself a room for expression and there it goes, bad times will fall just right through the sandglass before you even knew it.


Love, My random feelings and visions

Let's Talk About Love and Sex

The world is filled with lots of beautiful people and sexy people.. Some of which are simply beautiful inside out and outside in but not a single split thought of sex crossed your mind.. Whereas at the other end of the spectrum comes those who draw your attention solely to their engines.. As if they are born to make babies or to test your determination to stay unwaivered and purified.. Sometimes you wonder if you can ever get the best of both worlds and make so much love and so many babies you can topple the world with the passion and libido not even the mighty gods can behold.. Then comes the truth. You look yourself upclose in the mirror and realized you're probably not made to receive those demonic angels. Then comes the crossroads.. After wishing earnestly at birthdays over birthdays.. You found someone. Somebody you couldn't complain over as the person is somewhat exactly what you'd asked for. Beautiful like a child with little to no realistic desires. Sexed up like a pair of jeans tucked tight at bubble cheeks of demonic butts. Only to find that such overwhelming gift overthrows you at awe putting you at such disbelief you suddenly run out of words, wisdom, rationale and confidence. You practically running into flames of lights knowing it could burn you at any random point where you lose conscious control of yourself, body and mind. So what is love? And what is sex? What is love without sex? What is sex without love? How much love is enough love? How much sex is enough sex? Is there ever a real measure? Can you even tell if it is for real or for lust? Knowing that at every wake it mystifies you at the grey zone. Caught you like a herbivor laying teeth and tongue on meat and flesh. Babe.. What is love? What is sex? Will it ruin my ambition to create destiny for the people I love with the big heart not meant for you and I? I wish you know how much I love you the way I love fighting for a dream that nobody dares hold real faith to. Random. PS: Am I in love with an angel or demon nestling in my head?

Humbled

It didn't matter how simple, or little effort was put in. Least to say the pride and ego of the man itself. But what mattered is, he did believe in the dream he proposed. And that belief itself weighs more than any prizes, cash incentives, his ego, his pride, or even his bread; it is that which puts a man on fire to lit the oceans on flames.

Life At Point Blank

I just realized it is not about the search for constant breakthroughs..

It is the search for a comfortable place that i belong..

A place where i know my presence matter and will never be threatened to exile..

Where learning is encouraged as much as contributions is welcomed and appreciated..

It is sad to see change and how change planted the seeds of fear in people..

You'll be surprised how the gift of reading emotions and feelings can cause so much turmoil in a person..

You can practically feel like crying out of nowhere and do not know why..

It is just a feeling gathered from all the unknown sensories..

And you needed your analytical mind to start dissecting your emotions into finer parts of roots and implications..

I feel sad that it is a part of life that we have to go through judgments and subjective assessments and interviews to find a place we can comfortably and perhaps proudly call home..

Perhaps the very reason why people say work can never be a real passion..

Can i ever fall in love with a real job? A real person? A real cause?

Or will i continue to dream?

Random

10 Approaches to Thinking Out of The Box

Do you believe there is an approach to thinking out of the box and come up with crazy whacko ideas?

What is thinking out of the box?

Tell me what possibilities are?

 I don't know but i would generally consider these approaches valid for me:

1. Problems -> Solutions.
2. Ideal answers -> Problems.
3. Critic Current Solutions.
4. RACI Project Deliverables: Responsible, Accountable, Consult and Inform.
5. Zoom into Details.
6. Zoom out to Industry-wide Phenomenon.
7. Horizontal Integration.
8. Vertical Integration.
9. Any Possible Links.
10. Think Like The New Guy In Town.

What do you think? =)

What do you think?

Do you believe in this?

Who Do I See Myself As A Person?

i'm not a typical extrovert leader or achiever who follows the trends and enjoys being in the company of top and influential people. every organization needs a well blend of different types of talents.

i work well with people as an introvert who consistently question myself on strategies and tasks employed by business units, managers, leaders and organizations. i study the underlying factors that cause change and cause policy implementations. i get positive management attention before my will to influence and speak out.

what is my biggest achievement? i prioritize on people first, standards second, and procedures last. i care and i follow my humane instincts rather than merely follow the leaders and preach the latest developments.

i question authorities and fight for the people who are crying out to be listened to who unfortunately failed to get the attention and support they need in an era that focuses on big brands, huge events, top guns, and every other "priorities" you can name.

i might have been rolling into very different areas in many different companies over the short 3 years after graduation. but i have never failed to be someone who is loyal to my belief in human potential and loyal to contribute and support my former employers in areas they need my humble assistance or support. i left not because of better salary or better exposure. i left because i believe there are better candidates who can do a better job than me in those positions and that those are not my forte, not something i believe i am meant to explore during my lifetime, to study my real potential and to find the best way to exploit what my little gifts of talent can best be utilized in the community.

last but not least, i'm still a student in this uncertain society. and i am desperately seeking for a mentor who can exploit my natural talents (if you believe i have) and make me feel useful as a person.

i am just an ordinary joe next door who somehow has a stronger conviction to excel.

The Dreamer

i begin to wonder what it is all about..

that if i have set foot on the right path to get me to the place i set my goal on..

i seriously do not know if it is the path that i should be taking..

but i sense discomfort in my new nest..

just intuitive..

nothing solid to justify my doubts..

i was sold the idea of visionary and hopes..

or at least i conveniently sold myself a lie to comfort myself that it is for the better..

for better or for worse?

is it too premature to tell..

afterall my kpi was not yet listed and itemized..

however today's discussion draws a vague picture of mismatch between expectations of the superior and the one reporting..

there were no arguments..

there were no clear disapprovals..

no dissatisfaction of any certain degree..

but a stint of weary..

i couldn't rationalize the discomfort..

i just felt it.

in a rather certain manner..

that there wasn't a conscientious agreement.

that i was just a pawn purchasing a false hope of excitement
..
change is education.

change is vital and drastic movement.

and yet change is resistance in itself.

change is terror and horror in the face of reality.

change causes turbulence.

change disturbs harmony.

on the one end we strive to excel and command leadership.

on the other we fear the lost of temporary stewardship, the lost of stability, and the lost of consensus.

as if to believe is to disbelieve.

to change is in itself to resist change.

why is it so hard to accept a different approach all together?

it doesn't matter seriously..

it started making me wonder what's in it for me..

does it get me closer to you or further away from you..

does success breed serenity or peace of mind to live the life you have always wanted?

or strip you away of your fundamental rights to peace and comfort?

yes indeed we live not just for comfort but for purpose.

for faith, for belief, for the joy of fulfilling our destined potential..

there is nothing more fulfilling than seeing what you are capable of giving to mankind materializing before your eyes.

but it is one that you believe solely on your own..

occasionally in the journey you met 1 or 2 who shares consistent patterns of thoughts and faith in you..

but more than ever you met people who contest to your subsistence..

i really do not know what am i bragging now..

but i know i am not here to prove anything or to cause any turbulence that disrupt or threaten harmony to anyone..

afterall my purpose is to seek approval of me as someone likeable rather than competitive..

the journey of career often takes one into a position of command, respect and competence..

it is not my goal to get there..

i learned that i am a dreamer..

for as many or little dreamers you can run into in your life..

there is less than a handful that can stir the minds of others..

i can live in attempt to perfect all the weaknesses and uncomfortable shortcomings that come with me..

but it does not fulfill my short passage in this lifetime..

to understand and feel this tells me 1 simple conclusion..

that i am here a dreamer, destined to be making a living as a dreamer..

building dreams to the ones destined to implement dreams made-to-believe to them..

and i shall focus on building instinctive dreams..

no matter how lunatic, how stupid, or how naive they may seem..

it is who i am and what i stand for..

i sell dreams for a living.

what stands in the way of a dream seller is merely an obstacle to surpass with stronger conviction.